he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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