Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
