Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
