I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
