i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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