ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
