I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we're making bets on your personal life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
