How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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