i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
