Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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