I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
