I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
