Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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