You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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