Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
