We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
