You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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