So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
