why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
