k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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