I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
