Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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