We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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