Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
