i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
