We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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