dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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