so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The beer is more important than you right now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
