You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
