Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
