Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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