his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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