Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
