Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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