it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
