Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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