We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
