He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
