Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
