Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
