woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
