chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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