He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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