So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
