She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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