Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
