You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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