"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
BRING THE BAGELS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
