I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
