If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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