if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
