Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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