Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
