Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
