I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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