I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Welp...herpes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
