And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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