no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
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Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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