Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
