I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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