Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
