I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found your dick twin last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
