my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
