I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
