I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
