New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
