Screwed.edu
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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