He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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