I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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