Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
