I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
