i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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