we have officially lost it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
