I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
