guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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