My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.