i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.