you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.