i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.