if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
