While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...