He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina