So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize