ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.