I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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