So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
