Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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