I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
