Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
