They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
