Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
