she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
